dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
