you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
