It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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