Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
