So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
