I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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