the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
