There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
