My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
