remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize