I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
