Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A bitchslap is in order.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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