Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
