I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
