I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
