found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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