dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
