Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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