why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
