You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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