1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
