im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I party with great urgency now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
