i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
