Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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