I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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