Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
