Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
