i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
