why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize