I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
