cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
