I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
