She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
