I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry about my life...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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