I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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