if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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