please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize