Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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