I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
