Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
