I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize