he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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