I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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