She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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