3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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