He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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