NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
