yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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