This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
