did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
