I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
