He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize