They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
