At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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