My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
