Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
