They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
