Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
