If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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