Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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