I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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