Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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