just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
