Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
