I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
