You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
