i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
