i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize