I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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