I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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