Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
