I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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