At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
