So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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