so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
