It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
