saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
