he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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