I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize