im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
