hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
