if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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