I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
