Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
