i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
